


Thin Red Lines

by BabyBoomBoom0029 (orphan_account)



Series: Daily Dose Of Klaine [6]
Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, blaingst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:37:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/BabyBoomBoom0029
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt- Metal</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Major TW for suicidal thoughts, cutting, depression, Blaingst. Please read w/ caution.

Blaine held the razor in his hands. He had locked himself in the bathroom for almost two hours now. He and Kurt had a fight. It was stupid. It was dumb. It was all Blaine's fault. He let the razor gently graze across his forearm. Just enough to feel the cool metal but not enough to prick his skin. Not yet. Kurt had gone. Said he needed some air. The two bedroom apartment just wasn't enough space for him right now. Blaine looked down at his skin. He knew how much pressure it would take to see it tiny red dots form. He knew that if he did it on his legs instead of his arms, it would take longer for Kurt to find. Blaine knew that if he just pushed a little harder all the pain and guilt would pour out of him and he'd feel okay again. Right now he could barely feel anything. Except the small razor he danced down his arm.

 

**Two hours ago**

 

"Kurt, please just listen to me!" Blaine yelled.

"No! I'm done listening to you! Don't you see that all Kyle wants is to get in your pants?! How is this not cheating?!" Kurt threw Blaine's phone in anger. It smacked against the wall and slid to the floor.

"Kurt! It's nothing! We  _just_ got dinner after work! You were at work, I didn't think I couldn't go out with a friend." Blaine crossed his arms.

"You can go out with friends, Blaine! I'm not stopping you from socializing. But this! This is cheating! I can't believe you don't understand that!" Kurt huffed, "Is that it?! Do you not understand or do you not care?" 

"I care. Of course I care! I love you!" Blaine didn't know when he started to cry but tears were streaming down his cheeks, "Don't you get how hard it is some days for me to even  _be_ social like that? Now to have you get mad because I went out with a friend. What do you want me to do when you're working?"

"I want you to not cheat on me again! You gonna sleep with him too?!" The words left Kurt's mouth long before they registered. Once they did he wished he could take them back.

Blaine looked up more than hurt by Kurt's words, "Are you serious?" He took a few deep breaths, "I swore...I promised...For God's sake we are MARRIED!!" Blaine paced back and forth, "Fine! I'm done arguing about this! I'm done having you throw my mistakes back in my face! I'm not doing this anymore! I went out with a friend! Yea, he hit on me. And I promptly told him how happy I am with you, and how I'm so in love with you and how lucky I am to be married to you. Then we split the check and I came home. To YOU!" Blaine shook his head, "You want to get pissed at me for no damn reason then fine! Be pissed but I'm not doing this anymore!" Blaine took his wedding ring off and slammed it on the counter, "You think I'm so unfaithful to you?! You think you're so fucking perfect all the time?! Let me tell you how many times you've screwed up! Let me remind you of how you close yourself off to  _anyone_ wanting to help you. How you're so arrogant because you're tough shit at work. That you go around all the time 'spoiling me' because you make SO much more money than I do. How you don't ever fail to tell your father that you handle the bills and most of the living expenses all by yourself. You want to do it alone, then do it! I'm not going to keep going round and round with you. You think you're so amazing and wonderful by yourself, then be by yourself. A cold, bitter, spiteful, man who will always be alone because he just can't trust anyone." Blaine rambled.

"I need air." Kurt's lips formed a tight thin line.

"Go. Go run away. Don't argue, don't try and work it out. Run away. It's what you're best at." Blaine's words seemed to drip with venom.

"Screw you." Kurt grabbed his keys and wallet and quickly left the apartment, leaving a broken Blaine standing by the kitchen counter with tears running down his face.

 

**Present time**

Blaine couldn't figure out why Kurt didn't trust him. They've both made mistakes but he thought  that after they got married they'd fix them. Not create new ones. Blaine knew he should have apologized to Kurt for what he said and for going out with a friend. When Blaine thought about it from Kurt's point of view he could understand why Kurt was upset. But he really had no ill intention. This wasn't a risque coffee date. It was just dinner with a friend. Blaine pressed the blade in a little deeper. The relief from the thin red lines was almost instant. Not quite enough but just enough that he felt like he could start to breathe again. Blaine moved the blade and sliced again. Over and over until his arms were littered with little red lines. Blaine leaned back against the tub and tipped his head backwards. His chest felt lighter, his head started to clear, he could breathe. He was freeing himself from the inner anguish he felt. His muscles relaxed and his breathing became deeper and deeper. Once calm he turned on the shower and stepped in. The sting of the water spray only making him feel better. The more pain the better he felt. Blaine watched the red water swirl down the drain. He cleaned up his arms and bandaged anything that hadn't clotted by then and put on a long sleeve pajama shirt to sleep in.

Blaine crawled into an empty bed,  _things will be better in the morning_ , he thought to himself.

Hours later Kurt climbed into bed behind Blaine pulling him close. Kurt had been crying, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left or jumped and accused you of something you didn't do. I'm sorry. I love you so much."

Blaine kept his eyes closed and held his breath hoping Kurt wouldn't ask about the pajama shirt. He just pressed himself backwards enjoying the feel of Kurt's arms around him.

"I love you." He said sleepily. It could easily be passed off as being half-asleep. Blaine felt guilty hiding from Kurt but he knew it was for the best. Eventually Kurt fell asleep. Blaine lay awake most of the night hoping his secret would stay safe. Hoping that he wouldn't be a disappointment. Hoping that when Kurt found out, he'd still love Blaine. Blaine felt guilty that he even gave into his urge. Blaine fell into a restless sleep with only one thought repeating in his mind, _things will be better in the morning_.


	2. Things Will Be Better In The Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major TW for suicidal thoughts, cutting, depression, Blaingst. Please read w/ caution.

The following morning Blaine woke up later than Kurt. He dragged himself out of bed. He was surprised when he saw Kurt sitting at the kitchen table. Coffee in hand, tears dried on his cheeks, and his phone in front of him. 

Blaine walked over wondering what upset Kurt so early in the day, "G'mornin." He yawned taking a seat across from Kurt.

"Morning." Kurt passed Blaine a hot cup of coffee, "I heard you start to wake up so I made you a cup." He smiled.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked. He could see Kurt fighting what he should say vs what he wanted to say.

Kurt nodded his head, "Blaine." He sighed, "I want to know if  _you_ are okay." 

"What do you mean?" Blaine unconsciously rubbed his arms up and down.

"I saw. This morning when I was getting out of bed. The sleeves on your shirt were pulled up and I..I saw..." Kurt said softly.

Blaine practically jumped from the table, "So you were looking?! You don't trust me?!"

"Blaine. Blaine." Kurt said quickly, "I'm not mad-"

"Of course you are! Why wouldn't you be?! Tell me Kurt! Tell me how much I've disappointed you! Tell me how wrong I am! Tell me how I screwed up again! Tell me how much you  _don't_ love me!!" Blaine started to cry.

"Blaine! Please! I just want to make sure you're okay. Obviously this is a bigger issue than I once thought." Kurt said trying to stay calm.

"Yeah! It's a big issue Kurt! Because you won't just leave it alone!" Blaine put his head in his hands.

"Blaine!"

"No Kurt! You had no right! You have no right to-to ask me about what I do privately!" He tried to reason, "It's not your business Kurt! It's my body! I'll do what I want with it! And if it helps me to deal with things to do this then that's what I'll do!" Blaine yelled.

"No! It _is_ my business when you are hurting yourself! Because I love you Blaine! I'm not going to let  _anyone_ hurt you! Not even yourself!" Kurt retorted.

Blaine scoffed, "You don't love me! You could never love someone as fucked up as me! Look at me!" He yanked his shirt over his head showing Kurt all the fresh red marks on his arms, "Look at it! That's not lovable! You lie!"

"I love you! I do!" Kurt argued, "I just want to help! Please Blaine, let me help." Kurt sniffled.

Blaine shook his head not able to accept that Kurt truly loved him, "No. You're just saying that. Like my parents. You're lying." He backed up till he hit a wall and slid to the floor, "No one loves me. No one could ever love me." He pulled his knees up to his chest unable to stop the flow of tears.

Kurt took one step forward, "Blaine. I love you. I swear I do." He said crouching down to Blaine's eye level, "Please let me help you." Kurt held Blaine's wedding ring in his hand, "Did you forget you took this off last night? I wasn't sure you wanted it on again." Kurt said softly as not to spook Blaine.

Blaine looked up his eyes wet with tears, "I always want it on. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kurt. I'm just a huge fuck-up. I'm sorry." He sobbed, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeated rocking himself back and forth slowly trying to calm himself down.

Kurt gathered his husband in his arms, "It's okay. It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out." Kurt soothed, "Let's start with making sure you're cleaned up so there won't be any infection. Then maybe we can call Dr. Schwartz and see if he can see you today."

"I don't want to go alone. He's going to hate me." Blaine cried.

"No one could ever hate you." Kurt held Blaine close, "But I'll come too if that's what makes you comfortable." Kurt smiled a bit, "Let's work on step one. Let's get you cleaned up and bandaged first." Kurt said trying to help Blaine in any way he could.

Blaine nodded his head, "Okay." He nodded his head.

Kurt knew it was going to be a long day for both him and Blaine. It felt like it was cold, dark, lonely night. Where the moon hid in the sky and the wind howled. Kurt wished the dark night would end for Blaine. That Blaine would wake up to the sun shining and birds singing. Whenever Kurt felt that cold, dark night creep up he stood by the one phrase his father said over and over as he grew up, things will be better in the morning.


End file.
